eternally yours .....
another accident .........
so many accidents in my life ............. how i feel like crying ......... u wouldnt think it, DE, but now you no longer talk to me, and i hesitate to tell u abt this ......well, but hell, i have to tell someone.................. damn it ! damn damn damn it .......... no no no, DE ............ i've now gone and fallen in love with my professor ............... not the one thats always there , but the visiting professor ............. which is bad, cause he's LEFT ! .............couldnt help it ........ there's just something about him ......... do not get the wrong idea, DE ..... I did not go out with him ......... it was all in my heart .............. luckily i have the group photo which we took with him at the end ............ at least i can still stare at him ( SIGH .........) will I ever see him again ? .................
who has time nowadays to do much ........every minute of my day seems taken up with so many things to do these days ......... I cant remember what it was like when i had nothing to do ........ was there really a time when i had nothing much to do ?? no time even to catch up with ppl I used to know ....... ppl i used to talk to ........... stranger still that when i ceased to talk to them, they ceased to talk to me ................ do i really mean so little to them ? no time even to care abt that now ................ have to get back to work ! ......... back to work ........ how much fun it seems to be .............. working ................
no time to post lately ......... but today I'll say this ---- you DON'T have a brother , Ray, and you're not gonna make me think you do. And if you think you've fooled me, think again.
As for today's rapid post , well its mainly to lay a curse on SZ. Hey come on, I never could say this to her face, you know that .................. so here is my only way of saying it.
Curse you SZ for what you did to me ....... for the lies you acted out for me.................. for the lies you spoke to me .............. for the hugs which were untrue ............... for the words you said, which actually meant so little to you ...............what an idiot I was to ever have believed in them and you.................. how quickly you fled when you found that I was getting better marks than you ........ yes, isnt that strange ? ............ you asked to see my report book ......then you compared my marks with yours, then you said ........." you're too good for me........"................. then from that moment on, you made a decision not to be my friend again EVER ........ I didnt see it coming ............. I thought we were still friends ....... till the next yr began ........ how could you have left me for such a strange thing ..........Better Marks ?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ................
you cruel creature, what has better marks to do with our friendship ?????? .......... perhaps I ought to know ........ perhaps its like what has better looks to do with friendship. Would I ever have tried to be friends with anyone way prettier than me ?? No, I would have been too jealous and feel inferior in her shadow .................. so perhaps this is why you didnt want to be friends with me ?? Were you truly jealous of my better marks ?? ............. hmmmmm this is truly the first time I have ever thought this far ............ before I wrote all this out, I always got stymied at the screaming wound that your name brought to me ........................... yes, how could you have left me ............ you fool, I wish I could give you one tight SLAP !!! SLAP !!! take that !!!!
the ahir (hair) of the dog
I still cant make up my mind abt you , N. Were you trying to be kind to me ? or were you being an opportunist ?? you saw me being dazed and upset when Mich and I fell out ....... and then one afternoon when you saw me sitting in a postlunch daze in the staff lounge, you volunteered to take me out for a drive ............... to clear my mind ?? ........... I was feeling so lousy I actualy thot the surprising offer from you would be good for me .........anything other than sitting there feeling utterly weary ..........................utterly dead .................
you drove me here and there and I think you tried to get me to talk ............ but I couldnt ......I didnt know where to start.................. it all seemed to begin at some point so faraway and end in some point so strange and I felt so heavy that I just couldnt talk at all .............. I was all spaced out, trying to keep it all in, trying to shut it all away, boxing it up and putting it into a separate room, so that I could function and perhaps I thot it the best to do was to start forgetting it all in a hurry, as though it had all never happened.................... to treat it as though it was all a dream.... yes, denying it was the best I could think of to do then............... and what did you do, you got , I think, a little annoyed .............. you asked me, " do you want to go to a hotel ?" ( strange qt --- I think I got a little wary here ). ........... I shook my head, no ............... then you seemed to get exasperated, made a rough turn of the wheel and asked me," do you know where you are ? " I nodded , yes, near Orchard Rd, of course, then you asked " does anyone know where you are ? do you know the way back ? " I nodded yes, (what sort of hillbilly do you think I am, not to know how to get back from Orchard Rd) .............. but I guess your point was that ?? I was there all alone with you, a relative stranger, you could have done away with me or molested me etc ?? but hey, when I got into your car infront of our joint office, I knew that our relative positions would protect me .............. you wouldnt DARE do anything .......... a black mark against your name would stop you from climbing your particular ladder, and I was no office girl for you to dare play hankypank with, without my consent .................. so then you hummphed, snorted and drove me back in silence n zoomed off to the carpark after dropping me in front of our office. You avoided me hence .............. so now I'm curious, what exactly was that you were trying to do ? .............. being kind or trying your luck as I was looking so dazed ? ............ were you offering something along the lines of " the best cure for a hangover is the hair of the dog" ???? ( something I think you said, )...........( I think, that is)...... see, I really was too lost in my own world to really pay attention to whatever innuendo you were trying to pass me then .............
at the end of time
I saw a man with your eyes today, Q.
Warm sparkling eyes, full of humor, flickering with a thousand thots.
He spoke like you too, delicately and deliberately.
Damn it Q, I see I still remember you.
I wonder what I would do if you really came here and stood before me
And yet, what is passion if there is no forever.
Passion and leaving just dont go together
I remember you with warmth and smiles, Q
today is enough for me,
tomorow is a new day ....................
cliched but true , ..............................
I will remember you .........
in the winter of this world, ..............................
when the red sky of a dying sun ...............lights the dark red waters of a turbulent sea..............
at the end of time, ...........................
I will remember you.
Evensong
to my dearest Eve,
wish i could help you ....... who was it said advice is never taken ........ perhaps it can NOT be taken. Whatever I tell you is only half of what you should do ......... whatever i tell you, only half ever gets into your brain ...... or understanding ................. if i only listen, i feel helpless ....... you are but transferring your helplessness to me ................. if I give you advice, i feel better, but alas, you can never see from my perspective ....................... your helplessness transferred to me, makes me angry .......... for i do not like that feeling ............. to be just a reflecting wall is agony ..... i feel your pain, ............ you make me You, for that moment of time .............. i do not like to be you ........... when the you that you are, ......... is blundering around blind, and i would like to smash that wall that you have around your face ........ and shake you in fury ........ when will you see ......... when will you live ............ when will you understand ............ your life is what you make it . ..........YOUR LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT ............ YOUR LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT ..................... WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME AFRAID FOR YOUR LIFE, YOUR SANITY .........WHY ........ MUST I CRY.......................... for your fears ...............................................................
seen in a different light
The days are cool and blue and windy ............. like a day I remember in the leafy streets of Paris.
Close your eyes and imagine you're a stranger here ......... in this your homeland.......
now open them ................ what do you see ?
see the street with the eyes of a stranger .........
how quaint the corner house looks, with its black and white 2 storey terrace ........ and that tree just so, shading it ............ doesnt it look just like a street in an old swiss town in summer ............ ..... now feel the air .........oh, isnt it just as hot as a hot summer day burns your skin in Zurich ?
See your land with the eyes of a stranger ............... pretend you have never seen this lane before ............ then will you exclaim (over it) .......... and feel its unfamiliarity, .........as though this is another land , ...................................., where loneliness fills your heart, where your friends are few or nil, ........................ , ............................. stranger in a strange land, feel the sharpness of your pain, ................ in a land where you have left your beloved behind ............................ shiver in the coldness of ice that forms ........ around your heart.
what sign
You Should Be A Gemini
What's good about you: witty and energetic, you're simply the most fun to be around. What's bad about you: you're flighty - losing interest in people and projects quickly. In love: you enjoy the "honeymoon phase," but after that it's hard for you to stick around. In friendship, you're: likely to have many groups of friends, with many different interests. Your ideal job: mime, guru, or cartoonist. Your sense of fashion: casual and simple. You like to pig out on: fast food, especially burritos
What'>What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatsignshouldyoubequiz/">Whatps : I dont think its true abt the burritos ...........or pigging out ............
Dear N
Dear N,
something occurred to bring you back to my mind ---- those posters lining the sides of the walkway of City hall MRT ......... yes, the ones that say " Say No, .... for you do not know if he is a molester ." !!!
These must be new posters , for I dont recall seeing them last week, ........ poor model, whoever he is, posing as " the molester" ............ looking so innocent and yet, branded ....... really, should we suspect
Everyman ???? .......... is the world in such bad shape ????? ..... now I dare not step into a lift with strangers, .......but only if I suspect them to be Molesters ......... frankly one has to depend on one's
sense of smell !!!........... yes, I believe that anyone intending evil has an evil smell ...... one merely has to be alert ( touch wood ). Please, I am not talking perfume here ......... perfume cannot mask the smell of evil or the general aura ........ but of cos, the posters are warnings directed to little children ......... and of cos, I always look the stranger in the eye too. See into his soul ............ yes,
his.
a gift for-ever
You sat at that old black concert piano ......... n you glanced at me .......... " I'll play you a song, " you said, " Beethoven' s Moonlight sonata "........................gee I didnt know that old broken down piano could even produce the notes you played .......... how did you get it to sing............. how did you get it to play itself into my heart ....................................... for as you played, .....that old piano startled me ........... I had been fiddling with it before you came in, its tone sounded terrible and I had thot it was close to throwing away ............... but when you played.......... the bloody thing sounded like an orchestra ! ....................... an orchestra that took my heart away from me and gave it to you ......................... I still remember the expression on your face ........... and the look in your eyes ................ when you played for me, ................................. and to this day whenever someone plays something that particularly moves me , I close my eyes, and I am back to that day when music first moved my world ..................................... into the meaning of infinity ........... thank you, ................. my friend .......................................for the grace of your gift ............................
