Accidentally Yours

the ahir (hair) of the dog

I still cant make up my mind abt you , N. Were you trying to be kind to me ? or were you being an opportunist ?? you saw me being dazed and upset when Mich and I fell out ....... and then one afternoon when you saw me sitting in a postlunch daze in the staff lounge, you volunteered to take me out for a drive ............... to clear my mind ?? ........... I was feeling so lousy I actualy thot the surprising offer from you would be good for me .........anything other than sitting there feeling utterly weary ..........................utterly dead .................

you drove me here and there and I think you tried to get me to talk ............ but I couldnt ......I didnt know where to start.................. it all seemed to begin at some point so faraway and end in some point so strange and I felt so heavy that I just couldnt talk at all .............. I was all spaced out, trying to keep it all in, trying to shut it all away, boxing it up and putting it into a separate room, so that I could function and perhaps I thot it the best to do was to start forgetting it all in a hurry, as though it had all never happened.................... to treat it as though it was all a dream.... yes, denying it was the best I could think of to do then............... and what did you do, you got , I think, a little annoyed .............. you asked me, " do you want to go to a hotel ?" ( strange qt --- I think I got a little wary here ). ........... I shook my head, no ............... then you seemed to get exasperated, made a rough turn of the wheel and asked me," do you know where you are ? " I nodded , yes, near Orchard Rd, of course, then you asked " does anyone know where you are ? do you know the way back ? " I nodded yes, (what sort of hillbilly do you think I am, not to know how to get back from Orchard Rd) .............. but I guess your point was that ?? I was there all alone with you, a relative stranger, you could have done away with me or molested me etc ?? but hey, when I got into your car infront of our joint office, I knew that our relative positions would protect me .............. you wouldnt DARE do anything .......... a black mark against your name would stop you from climbing your particular ladder, and I was no office girl for you to dare play hankypank with, without my consent .................. so then you hummphed, snorted and drove me back in silence n zoomed off to the carpark after dropping me in front of our office. You avoided me hence .............. so now I'm curious, what exactly was that you were trying to do ? .............. being kind or trying your luck as I was looking so dazed ? ............ were you offering something along the lines of " the best cure for a hangover is the hair of the dog" ???? ( something I think you said, )...........( I think, that is)...... see, I really was too lost in my own world to really pay attention to whatever innuendo you were trying to pass me then .............

posted by angel @ 2:56 AM